OK, fine. Let’s argue about remote work.

A couple weeks ago, I wrote an article declaring the end of return-to-office mandates. In it, I referenced a story about a return-to-office mandate from Dell which allegedly resulted in over half the company’s remote workers choosing to stay remote, even if it meant they could no longer be promoted or hired into new roles within the company.

That was shocking. If you didn’t find that shocking, then nothing shocks you. You are unshockable.

With that as the basis of my return-to-office mandate obituary, I also declared that all the arguments about remote work being more or less productive than in-office work were moot. Done. Over. 

It’s not that one side or the other finally won the argument, but that the argument itself no longer holds any weight. The folks at Dell heard all the evidence, collectively shrugged, and chose remote work at the expense of their career. 

That’s a bona-fide nuclear option, one that takes the productivity argument completely off the table. Yet more than half of the comments on my article, both public and private, were… arguments as to whether or not remote work was more or less productive.

Now, as I said in my original article, I personally and professionally understand both sides of the remote work productivity argument. I do have an opinion, but you’ll have to read this entire article to get to it — and suffer the following nonsense.

Because it’s nonsense we all need to hear.

I’m going to end the remote work productivity argument forever — with a modest proposal. 

The Return-to-Formal-Business-Attire Mandate

Let’s talk about suits.

Quick story. My first job out of college was with a prestigious consulting firm, and it required me to wear a suit — all day, every day. I was in a nondescript cubicle on the third floor of a nondescript office building. I never saw customers. I rarely saw my boss’s boss. 

Now, while I stated in the previous article that I’ve always hated working in an office, I at least understand both sides. I can’t say the same about those ******* suits. 

So here’s my proposal.

How about all employees agree to come back to the office if management — all management, including middle management, including anyone who has people directly reporting to them — agrees to wear formal business attire all day, every day. 

I’m not kidding.

Oh, this would also include formal business shoes and not, like Skechers or Hey Dudes or Allbirds or some other sneaky shit that looks like a shoe but is a sneaker.

Now, let’s argue the productivity pros and cons.

Formal Business Attire Is Good/Bad for Company Productivity

There are arguments to be made that wearing formal business attire makes a person more productive. 

It’s the same reason weekend warrior road cyclists wear racing uniforms with all the labels and advertisements on them. If you feel more like Lance Armstrong (or whoever, I don’t follow the sport), then you’ll pedal harder like Lance Armstrong.

So let’s all be Warren Buffett. 

It’s part of the dance. It sets a more professional tone throughout the organization, leading to better business outcomes across the company.

At the same time, if any physical exertion is required during the day or any outdoor time in the spring or summer, formal business attire is instantly and completely impractical. You could also argue that it saps creativity, energy, and comfort, leading to poorer business outcomes across the company.

Formal Business Attire Is Good/Bad for Employee Productivity

One could argue that a professional appearance makes the wearer more confident, and psychology will agree with you. Formal business attire gives employees a more positive outlook about themselves and prepares them for the job they want. 

All this makes for a happier, more ambitious, and thus more productive employee.

That said, it’s an unreimbursed required expense, with the purchase and maintenance expected to be borne by the employee regardless of where they fall on the pay scale. It also cuts into their time, not just the time it takes to get dressed every morning, but the time it takes to run back and forth to the dry cleaners. 

These small but additive time expenses are also entirely shouldered by the employee, not the company, as “work time” doesn’t start until the now dapper employee sits down at his or her desk.

Formal Business Attire Is Good/Bad for Workplace Productivity

You could say that wearing formal business attire brings a standard to the workplace that eliminates the need to have complex guidelines about who gets offended by what kind of casual appearance. 

It’s also cross-generational. Boomer business attire is no different than Gen-Z business attire, while still allowing for unique, personal touches of self-expression, like Funny Tie Friday.

And let’s face it, if we don’t do this, someone is going to come into work wearing pajamas. We’re already halfway there with “athleisure.”

In fact… in fact, we could also go one step further and bring back required hats and suspenders for the men and required skirts and stockings for the ladies.

Are we done? Do we all get it? Or do I need to get even more obtuse?

The Argument Itself Doesn’t Matter

All of those things are true, all the arguments on both sides, except for the part about suspenders and skirts, which was satire. We could argue those points all day, every day, for years. 

My point is those arguments no longer matter.

• Yes, having everyone in a centralized location allows for some types of collaboration that you will never get remotely. 

• Yes, you have to trust your employees more when they’re remote.

• Yes, employees have a greater chance to goof off when they’re remote.

• Yes, your contributions won’t get noticed as quickly or wholly if you’re remote.

• Yes, commutes are a waste of time.

Those are all true too. None of that matters. When you start to argue one way or the other, ask yourself why we’re not all wearing formal business attire anymore. It hasn’t been that long since it was mostly a requirement. 

That’s what happened with the Dell mandate. That’s where all this is headed. That’s why employers need to speed up their timelines on integrating robust plans to accommodate remote work, get out of those corporate leases, and develop a remote or hybrid model that works for each role within the org.